Rubber Chickens are evil
by thenerdwithafez
Summary: In which Barbara gives the Joker comedy advice, Joker wonders about rubber chickens, Robin just wants some of Alfred's fudge, and Batman gives up on knowing people that aren't idiots.
1. Babs gives comedy advice

_In retrospect telling the Joker that he needed new comedy material while he's holding a gun to my face wasn't the brightest idea I've ever had_, Barbara Gordon reflected as she looked down the barrel to the rage filled eyes of the mad clown.

"Ya know kid I've tried to be nice but your making it difficult for me to keep doing that." He pouted at her before continuing. "Besides my material is pure gold! Am I right?" the clown asked glancing around at the rest of the hostages who just looked back at him in terror.

"Everyone's a critic" Joker grumbled before turning back to Barbara and smiling brightly. "Good news kid," he paused. "Well you might not think so but who really cares?"

Joker leering leaned down and she couldn't control a flinch of fear when he laughing said, "Batsy, Bratgirl, and Boy Blunder haven't shown up yet and I'm getting bored of waiting for em, so that means you and I get to have some **_fun_**." He beamed at her before whipping up the pistol in his hands and aiming it at her chest.

"Sayonara Red." Barbara braced herself for the pain that was about to come.

Joker pulled the trigger and howled in laughter when a flag that said BANG on it popped out.

"You see Joker this is what I was trying to tell you," Barbara began even though the very small part of her that was still sane was screaming at her, _Don't try to be the hero Babs your not Batgirl at the moment but he is still as insane as ever! _Fortunately or unfortunately depending on how you want to look at it she had gotten very good at suppressing that part of her mind.

"I mean seriously it's the fake gun, giant sledge hammer, or laughing gas with you. Nothing ever changes in your act! Call yourself a comedian?! Hah! I bet you cant even get your pet hyenas to laugh at you. And if they do its because of how hilariously pathetic your jokes are!

Barbara paused to take a breath and in the corner of her eye noticed Batman and Robin crouching in the shadows ready to make their move. Batman sent her a look that either meant _"You're an idiot and I'm ashamed to even know you" _or _"Keep on stalling so we can make our move." _Barbara chose to interpret it as the second one.

She quickly started up her tangent again, "You should try ummm… Rubber chickens! Yes rubber chick - Smack! Barbara's head jerked to the side painfully as Joker cut her off with a backhand to the face. _That's gonna leave a bruise._

"Shut up Red you're givin me a headache." Joker scowled down at her before rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "Rubber chickens huh? Yeah I could see how that would work! Maybe if they were giant green killer rubber chickens…"

At that moment Batman chose to strike. While he and Joker began to fight Robin slipped over to Barbara after he finished freeing the other hostages. "Hey BG staying traught?" he smirked as he leaned down and began untying her.

"Took ya long enough Pixie Boots." Barbara said flatly as she rubbed her wrists which were raw from the handcuffs. She glanced over to see how the fight was going. _Hmm Joker seems more distracted than usual plus he keeps on muttering about giant green rubber chickens._

"Yeah sorry bout that, B and I got tied up (and I mean that in the literal sense) by Two Face." He said as they watched Batman cuff Joker  
and alert the police that the clown had been neutralized.

"Hey!" Robin and Barbara turned at the shout and looked over at the clown.

"What do you want Joker?" Robin growled at him.

"Oh don't get your feathers in a twist Bird Boy; I just wanted to thank Red over here for the ideas!" Joker began to laugh. "I mean rubber chickens! That my dear little brats is pure gold! Pure Go-." Joker was cut off from his rant when the officers slammed the doors to the cruiser in his face.

Robin and Barbara turned to each other. "Babs when Batman told you to keep the Joker busy I don't think he meant give him new ideas on how to terrorize the city."

"Oh come on Rob, you don't actually think that he'll do anything with that do you?" she asked nervously.

He gave her a look. "It's the Joker that should be answer enough." He turned and pulled out his grappling gun and called over his shoulder to her. "Until the next time you get a gun pointed at your face Miss Gordon." And than the bird flew off into the night to find the knight.

"Brat." She whispered smiling before turning and pushing all thoughts of the Joker out of her mind as she saw her father running towards her. _'After all'_ she thought rather foolishly she knew, _'What harm can rubber chickens do?'_

**_Meanwhile in a cell in Aarkham…_**

**_The Joker laughed wildly to himself as his plan began to take form. One day very soon all of Gotham would learn to fear the might of rubber chickens._**

**To Be Continued…. **


	2. March of the Rubber Chickens

**A/N: sorry for not posting an authors note last chapter but I do have an excuse….. just let me think for a moment…. Anyway I'd like to thank Hyper-Blossom Z for being my first ever reviewer for fan fiction! I'd love to get more, pretty please?**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Young Justice the third season would already be out and we'd get to see Babs and Dick kiss**

**Chapter 2: March of the Rubber Chickens**

Barbara was at the manor when the news came. After school Dick had pounced on her claiming that she absolutely _had_ to try Alfred's new fudge recipe and then proceeded to drag her away kicking and screaming (okay maybe not the last part, Alfred was a really good cook.) So here she was, sitting on a stool in the kitchen, and watching the Boy Wonder cowering before the butler after attempting to sneak a taste of the batter.

"Master Dick did I just see you sticking your finger in my fudge?"

Dick quickly arranged his face into an innocent look that fooled no one (really you'd think with him being the protégé of the Batman he'd be a better actor.)

"Me?! Alfred how could you ever possibly think that I would disrespect you and your fudge like that?!"

"Um, Dick?" Barbara asked hesitantly, and when he turned to look at her she continued. "You uh got a little something." Here she gestured to the corner of her mouth. Dick slowly raised his hand and wiped then looked down to see chocolate smeared on his fingers. He froze than reluctantly looked up into the disapproving face of Alfred.

"Really Alfred I can explain!" But before he could do just that Alfred had already pushed him out the door. He looked over his shoulder at Barbara.

"Miss Gordon I believe you should go too."

"What but I didn't even do anything this time!"

He sighed, "I realize that Miss, but you do remember the last we left the young master alone for to long?" Both of them cringed recalling the last time. The pair refuses to say what happened exactly, but both are known to flinch at the word pudding.

She gulped and nodded, "Right I'll just go make sure he hasn't found where you hid the 'flinch' pudding." She walked out the door and found Dick staring forlornly at the now closed entrance to the kitchen looking much like a baby of the bird for which he was named.

"Babs I just wanted a taste." He whimpered pathetically.

"I know Richard, I know," she said patting him on the head and resisting the urge to tell him that he was a good boy. "How 'bout we go find Bruce and see what he's up to hmm?" She started off towards the direction of the living room where she could the sound of a TV.

"But the fud-," he cut himself off and nodded, shoulders slumping, and feet dragging as he trailed after Barbara.

As they entered the room Bruce glanced up and gave them a slight smile, "Hey guys having fun?" Dick simply harrumphed before throwing himself down on the couch.

Bruce glanced at Barbara looking slightly concerned, "What's wrong with him?"

"Oh, Richard is mourning." She said before coming over and sitting next to Bruce.

He looked at her, his expression quite alarmed now, "In mourning for what exactly?"

"His dreams of tasting Alfred's fudge batter." Both of them looked over at Dick to find him with his knees tucked under his chin, gazing dramatically out into the distance, and muttering about the unfairness of life. They snorted in unison, causing him to glare at them. He then grabbed the remote and changed the channel to the news.

Bruce cleared his throat in amusement before turning back to Barbara. "And he only kicked Dick out?" When she nodded, a slight scowl overtook his face. "He's grown soft; when I tried to do that he stabbed me with a carrot, left a scar too."

Barbara looked at him in slight disbelief. She opened her mouth to say something, but before she could Dick sat straight up looking torn between shock and fear.

"Uh, guys you might want to see this." He said pointing at the television where a pretty, young, newscaster was saying something in panic. He quickly turned up the volume and soon the words became legible.

"Yes, that's right the Joker is attacking downtown Gotham with an army of-," here she stopped looking incredulous, "Wait are you serious?" Apparently she got confirmation because she finished her first sentence, "Rubber chickens."

Both Bruce and Dick turned to look at Barbara who had a deer in headlights look on her face.

"Um, my bad."

**A/N: Please review! More reviewers=faster updates! Find out what happens next time, well they be able fight off the rubber chickens? Well Barbara take up carrots as her new weapon? And well Dick ever get to taste Alfred's fudge?!**

**-Thenerdwiththefez **


	3. The power of FUDGE

**A/N: so sorry for the late update my minions, but in response to all the positive feedback (seriously luv u guys) here is the last but extra long chapter! J ****_prettykitty luvs u- thanks so much for the review! oh and do any of us really like seeing our little bird with anyone else?!_**

**Disclaimer- again I do not own Young Justice, if I did there would be at least one episode with Jason in it other than as a cameo! L**

**Chapter 3- The power of Fudge!**

"My bad?!" Dick asked incredulously as he pointed to the television where they could see civilians running in terror from the army of chickens. "You cause all this and all you can say is my bad?!

Barbara glared at him, "Don't be a dick, Dick, it's the Joker that's doing all this anyway! I just err well…."

"Gave him the idea?" Bruce finished for her. "You know when I told you to distract him; I didn't mean to give him new ideas on how to terrorize the city."

Ignoring Dick who was doing a victory dance and shouting 'I told you so!' she threw her arms up in exasperation. "Again how was I supposed to know that he would take it this far?!"

This time the look that Bruce gave her was most definitely his, _you are an idiot and I am ashamed to even know you_. As she winced, the boy wonder paused in his victory dance to respond to her question.

"Two words, Joke-er."

"That's only one word!"

"Gotham beware, the Grammar Nazi is here!"

As he looked at his two bickering sidekicks, Bruce face palmed, stood up, and began walking towards the entrance to the Batcave.

"Come on you two we need to go suit up." He called over his shoulder to the still arguing pair. At once Barbara stopped, and began trotting alongside her mentor. Dick however, blanched and began sputtering.

"But what about Alfred's fudge?!" Both Bats halted and gave each other a disbelieving glance, and as one they spun around to look him.

"Richard, I do believe that the safety of Gotham is more important than fudge, now if you'll just-," Bruce was cut off by a pillow to the face. He looked stunned as his son pointed an accusing finger at him.

"Blasphemer, nothing is more important than fudge!" At his fathers _you are an idiot_ glare however he backed down slightly. "Besides, cant Batgirl and Batman handle it? Does Robin really need to be there too?"

Bruce sighed, "Dick we've never been faced with this adversary before, we need all the help we can get to face the danger of-,"

"Rubber chickens," both of his apprentices finished for him, Barbara solemnly, Richard unimpressed.

Dick looked at her, "What are you afraid of them?" At her slight blush he gaped, "Oh you have got to be kidding me! Batgirl, Princess of the Night, is afraid of a hunk of rubber?!"

"Shut up idiot!" she snapped at him. "I had a really traumatizing childhood experience with them alright!" Barbara turned and looked out the window, "It all started at summer camp a long, long time ago."

"Batgirl we don't have time for a back-story, we need to go!" Batman growled at her.

"No, I'm not leaving until I get some fudge!" Robin shouted.

Batgirl looked at him, "Are you serious?"

Robin gave her his patented Robin-glare. "Deadly."

She sighed, "Fine, guess we'll have to do this the hard way."

"Wait the hard way?" Suddenly Dick felt Bruce's hand on his shoulder and slowly everything went dark.

When Robin came to, he realized two things, one he was in his uniform, and two he was currently tied up and lying in the back of the Batmobile.

"YOU TIED ME UP AND KNOCKED ME OUT!?" he, as you could probably tell by the all caps, screamed.

"You were being stubborn." Batman said calmly.

"THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU CA-," Robin was cut off.

"Oh quit your screaming Bird Brain, we're here." Batgirl said peering out the window. And indeed they were parked in the middle of the street surrounded by rubber chickens. In the center of the mob stood Joker…. who was dressed in a giant chicken costume… well then. Both of the Bats jumped out of the car and started toward the clown, Robin began to reluctantly follow them but he ran into a small snag. He from the shoulder to his feet was tied in heavy duty rope.

"Uh guys? Kind of still tied up here," He said but his partners were already to far away to hear him. "Really again? Ugh really not feeling the aster right now." Robin grumbled as he eyed the handle to the door.

Meanwhile Batman and Batgirl had almost reached the Joker. Unfortunately Batgirl was beginning to hyperventilate.

"Oh God I cant do this, why did it have to be rubber chickens?! She panted.

"Think of this as therapy," Batman said bluntly. "You get to kick your fears in the ass, literally."

She stared at him in awe, "Did you just make a joke? Oh God the Dark Knight actually made a joke!"

By this time they finally had reached Joker. The mad clown grinned at them, well madly. "Ahhh Batsy and Bratgirl! What do you think of all this!?" he said gesturing at his rubber army. When he turned back to them he narrowed his eyes thoughtfully at Batgirl. "You know it's funny, I got the idea for this from another red head."

"Yeah hee hee really funny ha." She trailed off coughing awkwardly into her hand. Joker looked at her suspiciously and opened his mouth to say more but stopped at the sight of Robin, still tied up, hopping towards them. When he reached the group he stopped, nodded at each of them, and promptly face planted on the street.

"Oh crap, I guess we forgot to untie him again." Batgirl sighed then pointed at Joker, "I call a time out."

"A time out?" he asked incredulously.

"Yeah, I mean look at him! He can't fight like this, and it won't be as much fun if only two of us can fight.

"True," the Joker nodded. "Alrighty then a time out it is."

As Batgirl began untying the bird, Joker sidled up to Batman.

"So, how's your day going?"

"Great, until you showed up."

"Ah no need to be rude Batman, just trying to make small talk."

Grunts then, "Why are you dressed like a chicken?"

"Oh I thought it would add some dramatic flair."

"It worked."

"Ahhh thanks B that means so much to me!"

This pointless chatter was cut off by a cry from Batgirl. "OW! Batman he bit me!"  
"Robin did you bite her?"

"Yes I did." He said proudly standing up and pulling off the last of the rope as he did so.

"I think he broke skin!"

Batman once again ignored the two and nodded at the Joker who nodded back, then shouted, "Attack my feathered minions!"

Now it must be noted that the Bat Family is the most formidable fighting force on the planet. Together they have taken on everything from alien invasions, to crazed fangirls and won. But in just an hour of fighting the poultry army they were on top of the Batmobile and almost out of weapons.

"Oh man we're so gonna die." Batgirl moaned as she destroyed chicken after chicken. "I'm gonna be killed by rubber chickens, is it sad that I'm not the slightest bit surprised?"

"But I can't die I haven't tasted A's fudge yet!" Robin froze, "Wait a minuet the fudge is probably done and I'm not there eating it! Why is that?"

"Um because we're surrounded by an army of rubber chickens?" she answered.

"Not for long!" he said determinedly head towards the edge of the car.

"Wait Rob!" Batgirl called.

He looked over at her, "You can't stop me BG I need to do this."

"I know but your almost out of weapons, here take these!" she said pulling two long, sharp looking carrots out of her utility belt.

"Carrots?"

"Yep, I've been told that they leave scars."

"Seriously?" he asked. At her nod he frowned thoughtfully at the carrots before heading towards the edge again. But just as he got there, he turned around and looked at her small looking belt. "Hey Batgirl, how did you even get these in there?"

"British sci-fi technology." She replied. "Now go Robin you have my blessing!"

"Stay whelmed BG," he smirked at her before leaping into the mob screaming his battle cry of FUDGE. What came next was so violent that even Batman felt the need to cover his eyes. At the end of it all the chickens were on the ground smoking, or running around with their heads cut off. Standing in the middle was a triumphant Robin and a defeated Joker.

"How, how could you have defeated my entire army?!" he gasped.

"With the power of FUDGE!" Robin yelled at him before throwing one of his carrots at the Jokers head and knocking him out cold.

"Hey carrots who knew right?" said Batgirl grinning at him. He smiled at her before turning to their mentor.

"Home. Now. Need. Fudge"

"Yes to the Batmobile!" Batgirl yelled before giggling, "I've always wanted to say that." So the two youngest Bats ran off leaving Batman to deal with the Joker.

The clown had woken up long enough to say, "And they call me crazy," before the second carrot had came flying and knocked him out again. Batman sighed and finally gave up on the idiots in the world. He then turned and walked towards the Batmobile where the ever increasing in volume shouts of FUDGE could be heard.

**So the lesson is Rubber Chickens are Evil and never underestimate a person's love of fudge.**

**A/N: so here comes an end to my first fanfic, though I might be persuaded to do an epilogue if I get enough reviews. But you need to review to do that so hit the button! **

**-thenerdwiththefez**


	4. Prologue- ITS THE END OF THE WORLD

**A/N: 'stares at computer in shock' ok…. wow…. I really wasn't expecting more than like 3 reviews….. OMGEEEEEEEE: D I lubs u guys so friggin much! But seriously I really wasn't gonna write this but someone ****_cough starwarsfan15 cough_**** had to go and call me an asterous writer. So my minions here is the prologue!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Young Justice if I did there would be at least one episode with just the Bats**

**Prologue- It's the end of the world**

Before the Batmobile had even come to an complete stop, Robin had already jumped out and after doing a few death defying acrobatic moves, stripped off his mask and ran upstairs chanting FUDGE at the top of his lungs.

Batgirl starred as she climbed out of the vehicle, "Did you ever think of I don't know, getting a leash?"

"Of course I did," Batman growled as he pulled of his cowl becoming Bruce Wayne once more. "He gnawed threw it."

Batgirl, now Barbara, started before shrugging her shoulders, "Well you should've expected that, after all some leashes are really flimsy, plus the little demon has teeth like a vampire." She said scowling down at the still bleeding bite mark on her hand.

Bruce looked at it in mild concern, "You should probably disinfect that, you know that Robin has a fondness for biting his opponents, and we last fought Clayface." Ignoring Barbara's squeal of disgust he began walking toward the elevator before he paused and called back to her. "Oh and Babs, the leash? It was made out of chain."

She stared in shock before saying to no one, "I don't know whether to be afraid or to start worshipping the ground that Dick walks on…..Probably both"

Meanwhile upstairs Dick had just burst into the kitchen, and spying Alfred ran towards him.

"Alfred is the fudge done?!"

The old butler turned to him looking slightly ashamed. "I am sorry Master Dick, but in all the excitement of your battle with the Joker (masterful work with the carrots by the way) it seems that I accidentally left the fudge in the oven for to long."

Dick stared at him refusing to comprehend what he was saying, "What does that mean?" Alfred sighed and very gently told him the bad news.

Barbara and Bruce arrived just in time to see Dick fall to his knees and scream towards the ceiling, "IT'S THE END OF THE FRIGGIN WORLD! WHY?! NO! NOOOOOOO!

Alfred looked at them in a baffled manner, "What is the fuss all about? After all it is only fudge."

**A/N: oh Alfred if only you knew….. I am so mean to Richard!** **Anyway this was for you guys, love you! Please review and I'll begin another story m'kay?**

**-thenerdwiththefez**


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